the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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