I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
