i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
