somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
