Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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