Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
