He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
