please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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