and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
