I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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