And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
