He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
