you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
