toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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