wakey wakey hands off snakey
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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