Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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