We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I believe in your delicious
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
