it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
