...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
