woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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