I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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