He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
