I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
