Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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