i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
