Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
