let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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