Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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