Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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