I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
