No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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