Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
