I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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