Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Please don't give away my fajitas
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