I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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