I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
