She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
