dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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