Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
