I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
