end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
