I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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