You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
