WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
