Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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