Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
