Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
