So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Randomize
