I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
