Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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