and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
