i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
