I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
