i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
