i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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