wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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